I’d like you to meet my daughter, Sdflkjsdf.
Posted by lia1031 on August 22, 2008
Celebrities have some nerve.
When your face is appearing all over movies, television, newspapers and YouTube, even bringing a child into this world is questionable. The child will live his entire life under the shadow of his famous parents, and will probably go insane because of it.
Then why in the world, oh darling celebrities, would you name your baby “Zuma”?
Yes, Zuma. It’s the name Gwen Stefani named her son, who was born Thursday.
Stefani is not alone. She’s one of dozens of celebrities who thinks she is above the laws and social norms that govern our society by naming her baby something ridiculous.
Gwyneth Paltrow: daughter, Apple; and son, Moses (she must have read the Good Book instead of the Baby Book)
Nicholas Cage: son, Kal-el (will naming him after Superman’s birth names give him special powers?)
Cher: daughter, Chastity (a bit too hopeful?)
Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes: daughter, Suri (when she’s 13, they’ll be saying, “I’m suri we named you that”)
Courtney Cox Arquette/David Arquette: daughter, Coco Riley (”Coco” is apparently short for Courtney Cox. Good thing they didn’t have a son, otherwise he’d be named “Daar”)
Frank Zappa: daughter, Moon Unit; son, Dweezil; son, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan; daughter, Diva Muffin (he obviously wanted his children’s names to be high-scoring Scrabble words)
Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie: Don’t even get me started.
If you were as famous as these celebrities, and could name your baby anything, what would you name him/her? For the sake of this discussion, let’s say the child will not have to deal with the social repercussions of the name.
So, go ahead. What will it be? Banana? Nalgene? Control Alternate Delete? Leave a comment with your celebrity baby name.
Beth said
Ha ha, lol, where did you get the idea to turn this conversation into a blog??
Well …. I like the name Kiwi (though I stole that from a Hilary Duff movie character), but am also intrigued by the little orange fruit Qumquat. And I have no idea if that’s how you spell it.
How about …. Mango? Sort of like Margot … could work. Or, Chiquita? Sabra? Food brands seem the funniest. Because when moms talk lovingly about their little children and they say, “Oh, I could just eat you up,” children’s protective services might actually become alarmed.
Anne said
I would totally name my child something normal… first name Something, middle name Normal!
Sara said
Female:
Cimorene for the princess in the Dealing With Dragons books, in the hopes that it would inspire people to read them.
Eilonwy from The Prydain Chronicles for the same reason.
Beatrice is a fun name, but I named my build-a-bunny that.
Male:
Aloysious, because that name is ridiculous.
Edmond, because more people should name their kids Edmond.
Merlin might also be a cool name for a kid.
David said
I would like to defend Frank Zappa. He did not just choose ridiculous names like the rest of these celebrities. He was under the influence of pretty much every drug known to man, and probably more. I rest my case.
Mitch said
Frank Zappa’s names are awesome, mainly because they’re so absurd. And I actually Lol’ed at Coco and Daar. When I used to work in the DMV, this girl once came in once for a permit and her name was Jasmine. I had to stop myself from telling her she shared her name with my dog. Suffice it to say that if I ever met that Cox-Arquette kid, I’d have a hard time resisting the urge to tell her that she’s got the same name as my first dog. At the very least, people shouldn’t give their kids pets’ names.
As for me, I’m giving my children middle names like Danger. Because they’ll thank me later in life when they get to say “Don’t worry, Danger is my middle name” and mean it. I’ll be so proud
jasminedao said
jasmine is a perfectly fine name. you should stop giving your dog people names and stick with fluffy or spot.
You didn’t mention penn Jillette’s name for his daughter: Moxy Crimefighter.
Heidi in Chicago said
Don’t forget Sarah Palin’s children’s names: Trig, Bristol, Piper, Track, Willow…the insanity of that family!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIA!!! For your birthday I made sure Barack Obama won the election…I went to Indiana twice and he won Indiana! I talked to my family ALOT in Minneapolis and he won Minnesota. I won’t bore you with all the things I did to get you this gift…just enjoy!
Love the blog…keep it up!
xoxoxo
Heidi