Shoo fly, don’t both-…oh, screw it, I’ll just kill you

Recently, I have noticed a rather large amount of flies flying around
buildings, houses, kitchens, Lia’s bedroom, the office–pretty much
everywhere except where they’re supposed to be, which is outside.

My dad showed me a rather interesting way to kill a fly, that has a
“97.5% success rate.” Though it may disturb the more squeemish of us, I
think that some of you will find it helpful.

I now present to you our model, Jonathan Lehrer, in “Fly Away to Die*.”

*No flies (or Photoshop files) were harmed in the making of this demonstration

Step 1: Convince the fly to land on a flat surface, like a countertop
or table. This won’t work if a fly is on a vertical surface.

Step 2:

Do NOT attempt to kill the fly by hovering your hand over the fly and
bringing it down on the fly, as shown above. The fly WILL escape.

Step 3:

Place your hands a few inches above the counter, palms flat, thumbs
pointed up, each hand on either side of the fly. Say goodbye to Mr. Fly.

Step 4:

Quickly clap your hands together. “Flies always fly up, like a
helicopter,” fly expert Jonathan Lehrer explained. “The movement of the
hands scares the fly. Flies fly up, because that’s just the direction
they fly. The amount of time it takes to clap your hands is the exact
amount of time it takes the fly to move 3-4 inches above the table,
which puts them right between your palms.”

Step 5:

You have successfully killed a fly in the palm of your hands. You may
want to wash your hands with soap. You can estimate the amount of time
you should wash your hands by singing the entire score of the HMS
Pinafore.

Step 6:

Relax, and enjoy your fly-less house. Newspapers are for reading, not fly-swatting.

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4 thoughts on “Shoo fly, don’t both-…oh, screw it, I’ll just kill you

  1. Ok, I do realize I’m commenting on my own post, but…

    I just wanted to update you all that I have indeed tried out this method a few days ago. It was a pretty boring day at work that all of a sudden got exciting when a fly flew onto my desk. I grabbed two tissues, held them against my palms with my thumbs, and after a few claps (it didn’t work the first two or three times), I hit the fly hard enough for it to begin dying, and then I just finished it off. My hands never touched the fly. It was beautiful.

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