As I passed by a Dunkin’ Donuts downtown earlier tonight, a thought occurred to me:
Nobody eats donuts anymore.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how true it was. Remember when it used to be cool to go to Dunkin’ Donuts and get a few Munchkins, or a chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles, or a marble donut (my personal favorite)? Now, it seems like it’s all about the cheesecake, the ice cream, and the pie (though I’d say that pie is less popular than the other two).
Years ago, Dunkin’ Donuts used to be strong. The store could stand on its own, it had customers (including many who were not policemen), and I like to think it was successful. But now, Dunkin’ Donuts has become the Voldemort of dessert stores–just like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Dunkin’ Donuts cannot survive without being attached to a more powerful store like Baskin Robbins or Togo’s.
(The other day, however, I drove by a “Dunkin’ Deli” where the Togo’s used to be…is DD starting to think strategically?)
And really, when you go into one of those donut/ice cream/sandwich stores, are you actually going to get a donut? You can get a donut at the grocery store. It seems like a waste of a trip to a dessert store to just get a donut.
Out with a friend? On a date? Looking for a post-movie snack? A donut is just not going to satisfy you. You need something more substantial, right? Something you need to sit down and eat. Something you can eat with silverware. Ah, yes. That is what the problem is.
Donut : ice cream or cheesecake
Hamburger : filet mignon
Both the donut and the hamburger seem to be saying, “Eat me really quickly! You don’t even need a knife and fork. And you don’t have to enjoy me if you don’t want to.” The finer foods care about their eaters more: “Relax. Stay a while. I’m a special treat. Impress your friends by eating me–I’m delicious.”
I can’t just blame Dunkin’ Donuts. Krispy Kreme is not so innocent either. Remember when they first came out, and everyone was all “WOAHHHH. They’re not really crispy or creamy, but it’s okay because those two words are spelled wrong in the title, and the donuts are just so delicious”? Schools sold them as fundraisers. They probably still do. But personally, I feel like I’m about to have a heart attack after every Krispy Kreme donut I eat, so I’ve kind of given up on them.
When I was little, I used to have birthday donuts instead of birthday cake at my parties. I would get a marble donut with one candle in it, and then we’d all eat donuts and be merry. I never realized that it wasn’t normal to eat donuts and not birthday cake at such occasions, but I was happy.
But when was the last time I ate a donut?
Is it just that I’m getting older? Are college students too mature for the donut? Or has the donut actually fallen off the face of the earth?
Like the dough in the center of the round pastry, donuts are just absent. People are glazing over them. Munchkins are coming up short.
It hurts, donut?