We’re right; you’re left behind

I’m not quite sure how I feel about lefties.

Part of me wants to look at them as a separate race. Why are they different from the rest of us? Why can’t they just conform? Do they feel that they are so special that they deserve their own desks and their own scissors?

The other part of me wants to pity them. Aww, you poor guys. Everyone is so mean to you. You never did anything wrong. It must be your parents’ fault. Yes…we’ll blame it on your parents.

When did these lefties discover that they, in fact, were different? Is it the kind of thing where you’re uncomfortable using the right hand and you feel so much better with the left, but you’re afraid to tell anyone, fearing their reactions—like homosexuality? Did their parents stick a pencil in their right hand, and they switched it to their left instinctively?

And yet another part of me wants to hate them. Okay, hate is a strong word. Sometimes, lefties, you anger me. Like when the last pair of scissors is a lefty pair. Or the only desk available is a lefty desk.

Ahh, the lefty desk. Many of the desks in high school were ambidextrous (the chair wasn’t attached to the desk part, so you could swing either way), so it wasn’t until college that I discovered how annoying these lefty desks are. Lefties, I’m sorry that you have to sit at the one desk on the far left of each row. It’s sad, I know. But to make your friends sit at the desks right next to you, so far away from everyone? That’s asking a bit much. I’M the normal one. YOU should conform to me.

I hope I didn’t offend the lefties out there too much. You’re all just very special.


18 thoughts on “We’re right; you’re left behind

  1. I feel so honoured having a whole entry devoted to my ‘type.’ It reminds me of how I feel when i lay tefillin, and i’m the only one wearing it on the right arm. But you’re right, it does make me feel special. sort of!

  2. First off, I’d like to point out that my leftiness did not come from my parents. In fact, they are both righties. You know what that means? My leftiness is a gift from God, meant to demonstrate my awesomeness. Don’t try to deny it.

    And let me remind you of the last two times one group designated another as a different or inferior race…

    1. The Holocaust (Are you the next Hitler?)
    2. Racism in America (Are you going to join the Ku Klux Klan?)

    What makes you think you’re the normal one? Just because there’s more of “you,” you are the correct version? Seems like faulty, unproven logic to me.

    I love youuuuuuuuu,

  3. this is what I was thinking too.

    I’m not quite sure how I feel about Jews

    Part of me wants to look at them as a separate race. Why are they different from the rest of us? Why can’t they just conform? Do they feel that they are so special that they deserve their homeland and church?

  4. Oh come on, kids.

    Did you really think that I would write this non-satirically? I’m making fun of people who think like this while still making fun of lefties. Relax.

  5. How did you know you were a RIGHTY? Just sayin’, because I sure as hell don’t remember. Are you right-sided, too, like I am? I blame ballet, because you always mark with the right, then go through right and left sides. And they say it’s supposed to be “balanced”! But during demonstration, everyone goes through the exercises with their dominant side!

  6. Wrong Wrong. I said that twice, because that’s how wrong you are.
    1. Your parents both have the phenotype of right-handedness (although, maybe not even, because it might be forced) but obviously both have the genotype of heterogeneousness. That is to say that both of them have a dormant (recessive) left-handedness, which you happened to inherit.
    2. “Let me remind you of the last two times one group designated another as a different or inferior race…” Personally, I would not have chosen the Holocaust or KKK as the last two times. I would think that the ongoing conflict in Darfur is slightly closer to our timeframe today. A similar conflict, not too far back, is the Rwandan conflict. Also, the conflict between Serbians and Ethnic Albanians is of interest and closer to today. The Holocaust was long ago, and perhaps we should recall its memory by preventing others. So in that case, you are right: Lia is a segregationist and probably would start a genocide against left-handed people if she had the chance. She’s also the kind of person who would censor her own livejournal. DELETE THIS IF YOU DARE, TYRANT!!
    3. Ok, that last part was a joke.

    This is going nowhere. Goodbye.

  7. I know what group of people is the real problem in this country: People who post anonymous comments and do not sign their names.

    They should probably be exterminated. In the most genocidal-like way possible.

  8. I recall, when I was young, eating at my grandmother’s (z”l) house with my brother, that I ate with my right hand only.

    My brother, on the other hand (HA!), switched back and forth, depending on which side the spoon existed. We thought for sure he was ambidexterous. He was not.

    I forget which one he is. I shall look next time he’s writing.

  9. Also, the keyboard is biased toward left handed people, at least for English.

    I believe that something like 63% of all keystrokes on a normal basis are made with the left hand.

    The longest everyday word that you can type with the left hand is: “stewardesses.”
    The longest everyday word that you can type with the right hand is: “monopoly,” which has only 2/3 the number of letters.

  10. Ok, no need for rudeness.

    Although you’re obviously an idiot.

    Clearly you can type any word with one hand, provided you chicken-peck the keys. It’s when you’re typing properly (as in, using the home keys, etc…) that words such as “print” need both hands, where “were” needs only the left.

  11. Man, what is UP with these rude anonymous comments??

    “Unrelatedwaffle” has a point, and you are incorrect. It is a commonly known fact that “handedness” (or dominant side/hand, etc) can be changed by repetitive motion. That’s the reason why most left handed people for years were forced to write with their right. They do it quite well, actually.

    I know someone who at an early age “became” right-handed.

  12. “True North.”

    You say that as if I have some claim to being northern.

    I am PROUD to be a Southerner!

    And I still claim that “honoured” is not a word.


    O, I wish I was in the land of cotton,
    Old times there are not forgotton,
    Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixieland

    In Dixieland where I was born in,
    Early on one frosty mornin’,
    Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixieland

    O, I wish I was in Dixie!
    Hooray! Hooray!
    In Dixieland, I’ll take my stand to live and die in Dixie!
    Away, Away, Away down south in Dixie!

  13. I am a lefty. And I hate rude anonymous posters as much as the next guy.

    Also, my aunt was born a lefty, but my Cuban grandmother was supremely superstitious and made her become a righty. She tied her left hand behind her back and everything.

    Now my aunt is ambidextrous. Lucky her.

  14. lia, i just wanted to inform you that you absolutely crack me up.
    that just totally made me lj reading day complete.

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