Scientific proof: I am not messed up in my head, and I do actually have something in there!

I’ve been having a lot of headaches the past few weeks–at least a few every day.

Yesterday, I woke up with a headache. That’s not exactly normal. So I went to the doctor’s office. He examined me (my reflexes are excellent!), and suggested I should see my eye doctor and get an MRI, just to be safe.

So, I was able to schedule an MRI at the hospital later that afternoon. I was a little nervous–I’ve never had an MRI before.

I removed all the metal from my clothing and lay down on the table. I was told to stay perfectly still or else I’d have to redo all the pictures. The doctor gave me earplugs because the MRI would be very loud. I thought, hey, how loud could it be?

I was rolled under some kind of cover (they asked me earlier if I was claustrophobic…luckily I am not). There was a little window I could look out of, and the doctor gave me a panic button in case of emergency.

The doctor said, “One in four women sleep or meditate during this procedure.”

First of all, what are the other three women doing? Knitting? Painting their nails? Kickboxing? And how would he possibly know that statistic? “Excuse me, miss, what did you do during that MRI?” “I think I stared up at the ceiling an inch away from my face…no, I did not sleep or meditate.”

Or, “Please fill out this multiple choice survey. During the MRI, did you:
a) experience full REM sleep, waking up feeling better rested,
b) daydream about what your wedding will be like, including the food, your dress, and your husband,
c) create a shopping list in your head, planning out the proper route you’ll follow at the grocery store, or
d) ponder the meaning of life, determining that the answer is indeed 42”

So, I tried to sleep, but the ear plugs did no good. The noise of the MRI was almost unbearable.

I couldn’t understand how I went to get an MRI because I had HEADACHES, and the noise was that loud. That’s like going to the hospital for your broken toe, and the doctor treats it by dropping sharp objects on it.

It wasn’t just regular noise, though. It was different pitches at various rhythms, with a few rests in between (maybe the musicians needed to rest their chops). One of the “songs” went like this: “Duk, duk, duk, duk, duk, duk…mehhh, mehhh, mehhhh, mehhhh, mehhh, mehhhh.” Another went, “Duk-a-duk-duk, mehhhhhhhhh mehhhhh.” I was trying to remember the different “songs” so I could sing them later for my friends, but it was hard to keep track of all of them. Maybe next time I’m at the hospital, I’ll ask for a copy of the soundtrack.

Halfway through, the doctor injected some kind of dye in me (he called it a “contrast” agent or something) so they can see it in the pictures. So next time you see me and I glow in the dark, you’ll know why.

I got the results today. Apparently, I’m perfectly normal in the head (who knew?). I’m getting my eyes checked tomorrow (if my vision is impaired and giving me headaches, that could explain why “love at first sight” hasn’t exactly been working for me lately), and then I’ll assess the situation.

And for now, hopefully I won’t get addicted to painkillers…


5 thoughts on “Scientific proof: I am not messed up in my head, and I do actually have something in there!

  1. Did they check for a sinus infection? I had a couple of those and it felt like a really bad headache that just went on for days. Penicillin took care of them really quick.

    Hope you feel better


  2. Man, I could have told you the MRI would be completely worthless!

    They might be tension headaches. If you set your jaw while you’re sleeping, it can make your whole head throb. If I have to get up early, somehow this happens to me and I have a bad headache all day. Try relaxing your jaw and take some Advil!

  3. Oh Sethie. The headaches aren’t 24/7. They’re only…20/6, maybe?

    And besides. What do you think I was doing during the MRI? I wasn’t roasting a chicken. I was beginning to write this entry in my head.

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