Facial discrimination

Many men have discovered a talent.

It’s a talent that all the guys pictured below share.

They all have the ability to grow facial hair.

It’s not that these men think they look particularly good with their new beards, mustaches, and sideburns. Rather, they think that since they have the ability to grow beards, they should prove themselves to the world.

It’s as if one day they stopped shaving and then realized, “Wow! I can go on the road with this!”

We’ve all had our find-your-hidden-talent moments. Jerry Seinfeld learned he could tell jokes, so he became a comedian. Albert Einstein found his intelligence surpassing that of others, so he used his talents to better society. Shirley Temple discovered her talent (just being cute), so she was one of the most famous kid actresses of all time. The guys in the pictures have found themselves to be especially talented at growing facial hair. And it is in this post that I commend them for that.

Is it laziness? The unwillingness to shave? Do they like the look? Do they do it to look like others?


But I think it’s just that everybody wants to be good at something. And at growing facial hair, these guys are the best.

The grand prize goes to anyone who can name all the guys in the picture. Partial credit may be awarded.


9 thoughts on “Facial discrimination

  1. I’ll take a stab at it.

    Starting from the top left:
    1. Tom Cruise
    2. A guy who thinks he’s John Cleese
    3. Frederick Douglass
    4. Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo
    5. Your brother(?)
    6. Alex Trebek PREshave
    7. Santa
    8. Elvis
    9. Colonel Sanders
    10. Mr. Wizard after he discovered the solution for eternal youth, but not necessarily eternal happiness
    11. Mario
    12. A guy dressed up as Freud
    13. John Lennon
    14. My uncle John
    15. Jon Stewart (bonus points: this is from the Colbert Report when Stephen made him wear the mustache to feel what it was like to be. . .)
    16. Geraldo

  2. I can’t name everyone, but I’ll say who I know, and working together, someone can solve the rest…!

    Tom CruiseJonathan LehrerFrederick Douglass Michael LehrerAlex TrebecSaint NikolausElvis “the Pelvis” PresleyCol. Sanders Mario! John LennonVladimir Ilyich Ulyanov (Lenin) Geraldo

  3. You get 14 and a half points (that’s including the bonus points). One point for each correct answer (half a point for an answer that is half right), some bonus points for being the first to post, and another bonus point for a thorough answer. I won’t tell you where the points go quite yet, though. And the bonus points are completely arbitrary.

    Your answers made me laugh. I love it.

    And I’m not familiar with Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo. Please enlighten me.

  4. You get 13 points. You, too, had an answer that was half right. I gave you a bonus point for your excellent table format, and a half a bonus point for a thorough answer.

    Thanks for playing!

  5. I wanted to post parts of my conversation with Nathan (deprivedgenious) that was going on while he was figuring out the pictures. Don’t worry, I wasn’t helping; just encouraging with yes/no answers.

    It’s just a rather humorous exchange.

    Nathan: i can’t name eeryone
    Nathan: i get stuck at person number 2
    Nathan: tom cruise
    Nathan: someone
    Nathan: frederick douglass
    Nathan: someone
    Nathan: someone
    Nathan: alex trebec
    Nathan: saint nikolaus
    Lia: post it in a comment
    Nathan: elvis the pelvis
    Lia: maybe i’ll give partial credit
    Nathan: oh ok
    Nathan: wait
    Nathan: is number two your dad?
    Nathan: yes it is! isn’t it!
    Lia: yes it is
    Nathan: haha
    Nathan: when was his hair like that
    Lia: that picture was taken the day i was born, i believe
    Lia: he shaved his sideburns when i was 5 or 6 maybe
    Nathan: haha
    Nathan: the foruth guy doesn’t look even slightly familiar
    Nathan: should I know him?
    Lia: nope
    Nathan: and same with number 5?
    Nathan: though he looks slightly familiar
    Lia: you have met number 5
    Nathan: i’m thinking your brother
    Lia: indeed
    Nathan: what’s his name? michael?
    Lia: exactly! good memory
    Nathan: after col sanders
    Nathan: do I know him?
    Lia: nope
    Nathan: do i know the guy after mario?
    Nathan: he looks so familiar
    Lia: haha probably not
    Nathan: do I know the guy after lennon?
    Nathan: haha yes I do
    Lia: yeah?
    Nathan: yea, as soon as I said that I realized
    Lia: yayy
    Nathan: but who’s after him?
    Nathan: that mustache looks fake
    Lia: it is indeed
    Lia: you know him without the mustache
    Nathan: hrm
    Nathan: is an actor?
    Lia: kind of
    Nathan: and after taht is geraldo, right, not the guy from the spy kids?
    Lia: i dont know the guy from spy kids
    Lia: but yes, it is geraldo
    Nathan: looks like geraldo
    Nathan: yet is not
    Nathan: so who is fake mustache guy
    Nathan: looks like a combo of jon stewart and michael j fox
    Lia: i’m not giving away any answers

    Nathan: ah damn
    Nathan: someone beat me to posting
    Nathan: because I was worrying so much about the format
    Lia: lol

    Nathan: how could I be “half right”?
    Lia: one of the pictures is a person dressed up as a character; naming the character AND the person will win you full points
    Nathan: oh
    Nathan: like santa claus?

    Nathan: i should get bonus points for lenin’s full name
    Lia: see here’s the thing about that
    Lia: i was thinking of giving you bonus points for that
    Nathan: i know it by heart!
    Nathan: from the Big Lebowski
    Nathan: thankfully
    Lia: but then i was thinking, that is a bit show-offy of you to write it like that
    Lia: so then i was thinking of deducting points for arrogancy
    Lia: but since i couldnt decide what to do, i decided to award you with zero bonus points for that answer–a neutral decision

    Lia: is it ok if i post parts of this conversation to my blog?
    Nathan: sure thing
    Nathan: I hereby sign a media release form
    Lia: awesome
    Nathan: how nice you are
    Nathan: I totally don’t ask permission
    Lia: i asked permission of all my friends i used in this picture
    Nathan: ah that’s awfully nice

  6. I won’t name names, since I’m just not that type of guy (and don’t worry about points 😉 ), but I will say that have well-groomed facial hair is a PAIN. I would know, I’m number 10. Keeping the lines straight and not letting your regular stubble get mixed up with what you’re trying to save…oy. Plus, it always felt like I had a small animal on my face, which was kinda freaky. Since I’m up there, I’ll leave this anonymous.

  7. Still anonymous from before….the people are tom cruise, your dad, frederick douglass, howard tilman, michael lehrer, alex trebek, howard dressed as santa, elvis, colonel sanders, me, mario, rabbi klein, john lennon, lenin, jon stewart and geraldo rivera.

    That’s right, bow down.

  8. The grand prize is awarded to you, Mitch Bekritsky!

    The half points came from when people listed “Santa” instead of “Howard Tilman dressed as Santa.”

    Thanks for playing!

    And a small animal on your face? Wow. That does sound painful.

  9. Wow, I wish I had seen this post earlier, as I’m fairly sure I could have gotten them all. In fact, I think the ones I had to think about the most were Tom Cruise and Lenin. And I would have received full credit for “Howard dressed as Santa” too. I rock… or would have if I read your blog more regularly.

    Also, thank you for using a picture of Number Five that doesn’t look like the result of months of laziness. We all appreciate it.

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