Alert! Alert! You don’t know how to spell!

The new version of the Mozilla Firefox web browser wants to make the world a better place.

No, it’s not providing us with those search engines that save the children or stop hunger. (If you want to do that, use http://www.goodsearch.com.) Firefox is trying to make the world a better place where people spell words correctly.

In text fields on many web pages (including my beloved Livejournal and Facebook), Firefox will underline misspelled words for you like in Microsoft Word.

It’s brilliant.

Of course, I’m annoyed when names, slang words, and contractions without apostrophes are underlined. But I tolerate it, knowing that I will no longer be embarrassed misspelling words like “anonymous” and “recommend.”

Why limit correcting spelling and grammar to Internet browsers? What would life be like if we were corrected everywhere we went?

“He and me went to the store.” RED ALERT! RED ALERT! BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! It’s “he and I went to the store”!

It could be a microphone we all have (connected to Bluetooth, maybe?) that is transmitted to the Central Grammatical Intelligence Agency. People monitor what we say, and then if it is a grammatical nightmare, we will be corrected or cited by the NSA—I mean, the CGIA.

Maybe it could even go beyond grammar. We could have secret-spilling, lie, and tact detectors.

“Did you hear about what Betty did?” BEEP.

“I didn’t steal your money.” BEEP BEEP.

“Did you lose weight? I mean, you used to be a balloon!” BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

But for now, I’d like to thank Firefox for doing its part in making our society one free of spelling errors.

Eye amm sew gladd wee ken alle spelle noww.

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