War on Wars

We clashed with cocaine in the War on Drugs. We wrestled with wrongdoers in the War on Crime. We hunted down homelessness in the War on Poverty. And now, we’re battling bin Laden in the War on Terror.

Seriously, America, what’s with all the fighting?

I wouldn’t call myself a hippie. I have no “Make love, not war” bumper sticker. I don’t burn lingerie.

But today, I am putting my foot down.

The fighting needs to stop. The wars are causing too many casualties. I am waving the white flag. The wars will come to an end!

The War on Drugs will smoke its last puff. The War on Crime will take its last shot. The War on Poverty will spend its last dime. The War on Terror will make its last sacrifice.

I am henceforth declaring the period beginning now as the War on Wars.

Yes, we need to get rid of drugs, crime, poverty and terror. But we have doctors, sociologists and politicians who can do this. Do we really need to bring in the National Guard to take drugs away from an addict? Are soldiers and commanding officers necessary to give jobs to the homeless?

No. We need to bring a peaceful atmosphere to this country. Yes, it’s important to be “tough on crime,” but why must we be so morbid? This War on Terror: Basically, we don’t like it when people die, so we’re killing to stop the dying? How is that logical?

Want to get rid of poverty? Increase job and housing availability. To reduce crime, make policing more effective. Against terrorism? Improve dialogues between cultures. Make positive role models and good rehabilitation programs your anti-drug.

Together, we can kill the killers. Oops, that’s the War on Terror’s job. Together, we can kill the killers of the killers.

If you believe wars are bad, join my army. The army to end all armies. The soldiers who will destroy all soldiers.

The War on Wars.

If you’re Anti-War, you’re pro-War on Wars. I want YOU to join this army.

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5 thoughts on “War on Wars

  1. This is quite a naive gesture, and it seems that you hint at this fact without much hesitation. You say that you don’t advocate the proliferation of drugs, the continuation of terror, etc. As for drugs, who is going to stop it? Doctors? No. That’s up to the police and the FBI. As for terror? Who’s going to stop it? Oh, I’m sure it’ll just work itself out….pause….or most definitely it won’t. You see, all the other assumptions that you make don’t neccessarily have drastic consequences, but the idea that the United States or any other country fighting against terror (Israel comes to mind) shouldn’t do what they are doing is simply ludicrous. I suppose Ahmedinejad is just a nice man with no harmful intentions. And I suppose Wahaabist countries like Saudi Arabia mean no harm. Reality check is neccesary here.

  2. I too am confused…
    The war on crime already means adding police and doing other stuff. We’re not actually patrolling the streets with the national guard. The war on poverty is just a bunch of economic policies like welfare. We just like to call things wars because it gets people riled up. The war on drugs is partly a shooting war in south america, but here mainly means increasing police enforcement and DARE programs.
    But maybe you were joking and i just didn’t get it.

  3. I guess the language America uses is inflammatory and doesn’t really address underlying causes for these “wars” (I’ve always thought that part of the War on Drugs should be legalizing some of them, the Prohibition was lesson enough that making substances illegal only means they get controlled by criminal elements and not legitimate businesses, and here’s the kicker, we’re not gonna get rid of the criminal underground). If the point you’re making is that calling something a “war” and having some sort of broad action take place within that context, then yes, we lose a lot of subtlety by oversimplifying the situation. Then again, if TV and politics are any indication, we don’t like anything too complex anyway…maybe we should “Have at It with Simplicity”?

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