A glimpse into the future of computer-animated movies

When I saw “WALL-E” a few weeks ago, I must have missed something.

It’s likely, since I slept through half of it.

I’ll admit it: I did find a (small) soft spot in my heart for a garbage-compacting robot. Adorable. Really.

And what a message – save the world now before a ping-pong- and musical-loving robot has to do it for you. Like a mushy version of “An Inconvenient Truth.” But Al Gore is more robotic.

While you all go out and buy little pet robots to love, I’ll take a pass and think about what our world has come to.

I’m not talking about global warming. I’m talking about a bigger problem.

We’re running out of ideas.

Disney’s Pixar, the creator of that silly “Waaaaaaaaalll-eeeeeee,” is stretching its imagination to every possible plot. I commend them for that and for giving a voice to the underrepresented populations.

First, it was a lamp. Then, the toys in your bedroom. Then bugs. Then toys again (apparently the toys still had more to say). They made monsters cute and fluffy, and they gave fish quirky disabilities. They created their own brand of superheroes, then turned hoods of cars into mouths and headlights into eyes.

It was at this point that Pixar ran out of ideas.

They created a rat who cooks and befriends pimply awkward teenagers. And then – the garbage-compacting robot.

What could possibly be next?

I’ve asked some friends to contemplate on what Pixar movies they would create. Feel free to comment on these ideas or leave ideas of your own.

Beth K.: Staplers. One time I was playing with a stapler and I accidentally stapled two of my fingers together. I’m looking at one right now, and the place where you put the paper in is like this evil little mouth and it just wants to attack you.

Or, you know what else would be really funny? Dancing push pins. You know, the thing that you, like, stick in a bulletin board? They’re mean and poke you too, but at least they look pretty when they’re shoved into the wall. Maybe they have a secret world when they’re shoved into a wall. The name of the movie? Pinnacle. Or you could even call it Push Pinnacle.

Benjamin S.: I’d say something like turkeys or pheasants, but there was already “Chicken Run.”

Sara K.-S.: I want a Pixar ghost movie. They should’ve done the Haunted Mansion movie instead of that Eddie Murphy monstrosity. It would have ghosts with real emotion just trying to survive undetected in a human world. And then a human who really understands them stumbles into their world and tries to protect them. The dark moment comes when said human believes he/she has failed his/her newfound friends. But then there is a moment of redemption and he/she rushes to the rescue of our heroes. Lia: Didn’t we already see this in “Casper”? Sara: And “Beetlejuice.” And all those kids ghost books that that one chick wrote. But none of the Pixar movies are 100 percent original. They just bring a spark to them that no one else can because they focus on the story over everything else. Pixar has their movies outlined through like 2016 or something. They thrive on pure emotion. It’s the original Disney formula: Tell a story, and don’t just make it funny. Make it real. Give it a moment of true sadness. It’s okay for the audience to cry a little.

Rachel H.: My movie would be about a really brave turtle. Because turtles are cute, and they are known for being scared and hiding in their shells. But my turtle would be brave…because that is a story. A story about a scared turtle would suck.

Khari J.: I would choose a Rolling Stone to tell the story of deadbeat fathers. Sounds like prickly grounds to tell a story, but it sure isn’t Wall-E.

Or the bouncing Wal-mart happy face to tell the story of falling prestige and profit to town centers in small town America’s business districts. That and modern-day slavery in developing countries. Animate that yellow ball and give him a really scratchy asshole voice. All the cheap merchandise could talk, too. Imagine a talking pair of Jelly sandals!

Michael K.: They need to tell the untold story of the Dodo bird. How did it become extinct? THAT is the story waiting to be told. And one young Dodo’s journey to the New World.

The collective group of some of my relatives at the dinner table: A movie about yogurt, beginning with its life as milk and continuing to its journey to its current state.

Estee (my mom): The typewriter would be the hero. Sturdy and reliable, and when all the computers are kicking me offline and crashing and refusing to print my thoughts, the hero of our story never disappoints. The typewriter had been used daily by students, and then sort of tossed aside when the new shiny computers were brought into the house. Here, when a high school term paper is due tomorrow and the computer crashes, the typewriter emerges from the dust to save the day.

Jonathan L. (my dad): In this election year, my Pixar character would be Chad, one of the little rectangular guys that gets punched out of election ballots. Our story describes the unusual relationship that develops between Chad and a young election judge named Jeremy (see Chad and Jeremy) on the night of the 2000 election in Broward County, Florida.

Chad’s extended family includes his wife, N’Djamena, and wouldn’t you know it, she’s pregnant!

The couple has two sons; one hangs around a lot and the other has wonderful dimples. Other characters include Chad’s neighbors, Niger and Sudan.

Chad and Jeremy face the first crisis in their relationship when they both realize that the fate of the republic is in the hands of careless election workers who nearly sweep Chad into the dust pan, nearly causing George Bush to be named president.

Chad’s and Jeremy’s hopes for a new beginning for the country are dashed as the Supreme Court names George Bush president. The film ends with Chad and Jeremy singing the duet “Yesterday’s Gone.

What Pixar movie would you make?


5 thoughts on “A glimpse into the future of computer-animated movies

  1. Ran out of ideas? Clearly this article is a parody/satire of other such articles where the author cannot grasp the inner workings of a movie without the plot points sufficiently pushed down their throat.

    Funny stuff 😀

  2. i think you are all doing such a good job maybe for older kids
    story’s they could talk about school and the up and downs of life!

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