Good movies turned bad musicals

Cubicle! An Office Space Musical
Cubicle! An Office Space Musical

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to see the play “Cubicle! An Office Space Musical” at a theater near my apartment. As a big fan of the movie, I was excited to see its musical adaptation.

As fun as it was to get to see live actors portraying a favorite movie, I was ultimately disappointed. I would have written a review here, but I couldn’t have written anything better than this review.

The show seemed like it was put together by a group of coworkers at an office themselves. Almost the kind of thing they would do on the show “The Office.” Instead of the party-planning committee, they’d have the musical adaptation committee, working to come up with a musical production of their favorite movie.

It made me wonder: Could I have written this show?

I’m going to look through some of my favorite movies as listed on my Facebook profile (excluding the musicals) and see what songs I would write if I were writing the musical adaptation.

Vertigo:
“Oh No, I’m Falling (In Love)” (a thoughtful ballad on the roof of a building)
“What Is Alfred Doing Here?” (a confused singer wonders why Hitchcock appears in a scene in each of his movies)

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off:
“The Loss of a Grandmother” (a teary ballad sung by Jennifer, trying to convince her principal that her grandmother really died)
“I’m Going to Get You, Ferris Bueller” (sung by Principal Rooney; in the style of the song “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”)
“Life Moves Fast” (a heartfelt, uplifting song based on Ferris’s quote: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”)

When Harry Met Sally:
“I Can’t Stand the Guy/Girl in My Car” (an argumentative but humorous back-and-forth number)
“I’ll Have What She’s Having” (a song about food and love)

Mean Girls:

Mean Girls
Mean Girls

“So Fetch” (a rock song introducing the new term to the world, much to Regina George’s dismay)
“I Don’t Even Go Here” (a sappy song about trying to belong)
“I Just Have a Lot of Feelings” (starts with that girl who delivers that line in the movie; transitions into Ms. Norbury singing about her feelings)

Psycho:
“The Bates Motel: A Family Motel” (a TV advertisement, singing about how much fun the motel is for the whole family)
“I Love to Sing in the Shower” (an ironic song about how showers are a time to relax and be alone)

Gattaca:
“Excuse Me, You Left Your Eyelash Here” (sung while Vincent Freeman tries to run away)

Snakes on a Plane:
“Just Microwave that Snake” (a cha-cha dance number where the flight attendant introduces one way to get rid of snakes)

I’ll keep working on these…and soon, you’ll see Vertigo: The Musical in theaters near you.

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