Getting on a first-name basis with the cashiers

I’ve noticed that the more of a hurry I’m in, the slower the lines are at the grocery store.

I’ll be running in to Dominick’s on the way to dinner at a friend’s house, picking up a bouquet of flowers or box of chocolate to give to the hostess. I already spent 10 minutes debating the meaning behind the flowers (roses are too romantic, carnations are too cheap; sunflowers would be perfect!), and much to my chagrin, there’s only one lane open. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think I’ve noticed self checkout lines at Dominick’s I normally visit.

At most grocery stores, multiple lanes are open and the cashiers work at a decent pace. (At Target, I heard employees get points for working above certain speeds!) But I figured out the problem at Dominick’s.

Each time I go through the one open lane at Dominick’s, after I’ve spent $7.89 on flowers that say “thank you for hosting me” but not “will you marry me?”, I always get thanked by the cashier.

“Thank you, Ms….Leeehrrrr.”

“Have a nice day, Ms…..Leh-hair.”

“It is always a pleasure serving you and allowing you to buy chocolates and flowers in a light and stress-free environment, Ms….Lrrrrr.”

Has anyone else noticed this? They stare at the receipt, taking my name from from my credit card, trying their darnedest to pronounce my name properly.

I bet employees have to go through rigorous name-pronunciation training.  It’s a semester-long class, each week looking at a different culture and country of origin. They probably need to have a special weekend retreat with guest lecturers teaching how to know whether “Levine” is pronounced “leh-veen” or “leh-vine.”

I thank you, Dominick’s, for attempting to personalize my shopping experience. I appreciate the effort, but I’d rather you skip my name, call me “ma’am” or “miss” or “hey you,” and speed up the line so I can spend time with people I actually know.

Once we work on that, we’ll work on fixing your questions. When I’m buying Claritin, a box of tissues, and a box of frozen chicken soup, I laugh to myself whenever you ask me how my day is going. How do you THINK my day is going, Mr……..Smith?


2 thoughts on “Getting on a first-name basis with the cashiers

  1. My favorite thing is to read their name back and start a conversation. Are you in School, how is your job here at Dominicks, what do you think of the Bears chances. The best is when the cashier and bagger have a conversation about their weekend or how angry they are that their schedule for the weeks sucks or that their manager is a jerk. Keep writing my lovely LIAAAA LEHEREREREr

  2. I’ve always intercepted them with a, “you can call me Norman,” and several of the cashiers at the Glenview Dominicks do so, without even looking at the receipt.

    Plus, Mr….Smith won’t have “Smith” on that nametag–they only list first names on their nametags, unless they’ve changed or they’re managers.

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