My washing machine knows how to text me.
As one of the newer innovations that comes with my building being swallowed by The Man, we’re getting an upgraded laundry room. And along with that comes the ability for my washer and dryer to text me when they’re ready.
Are apartment dwellers these days so lazy that they can’t set a timer or just look at a clock to keep track of when their laundry is ready? I know I find myself asking, “Okay, what’s now plus 38 minutes?” but my basic math skills, believe it or not, do prevail and I am on time to pick up my laundry.
But now that my washing machine can text me, it makes me wonder: What are some other ways my appliances could get in touch with me?
My microwave could upload a photo for me on Facebook:
My dishwasher could Tweet me: Finished doing @lialehrer’s dishes. You could have rinsed the pot a little better after your oatmeal. #firstworldproblems
My refrigerator would ask me to connect on LinkedIn: Lia’s Refrigerator has indicated you are a Friend. Since you are a person I trust to take my food and constantly open my doors, and because we share a lot of edible likes in common, I wanted to invite you to join my food network on LinkedIn. Also, your pesto is about to expire.
And my television would blog about me. But instead of me reviewing the shows on television shows, its blog would be reviewing my watching abilities. Lia is a very intent viewer during Glee and How I Met Your Mother. In fact, when other people walk in the room during those shows, she insists on pausing the DVR. I often even see her using her stair-stepper or just running in place during shows like Big Bang Theory, The Office, and 30 Rock. What an unusual creature.
Oh, look! I’m getting a text! Look at how popular I am. So many friends, always texting me to see what I’m up to tonight. Oh, wait. Never mind. Just the laundry room telling me my towels are ready.