Some criticism of the critics

In spite of all the movie critics’ bad reviews, I decided to see the movie “Rock of Ages” this weekend — and, here’s a shocker — I loved it!

Of course I loved it. It’s a movie musical (so that’s a giveaway)…with rock music (my favorite)…from the ’80s (a great decade for music, especially for  a Journey fan like me!)…with Alec Baldwin. What’s not to love?

It’s why I no longer trust the critics. Was this movie the BEST movie in the world, sure to win Oscars for the writing, the casting, the editing, the score, and the makeup design? Perhaps not quite. But was it a movie that had me smiling, tapping my toes, singing along, and feeling great? Don’t stop believin’.

Maybe we need a new movie rating system. Of course we can keep the Eberts and Roepers of the world, continuing to critique movies based on real, objective criteria determining a movie’s actual quality. But there should be someone else out there — maybe someone a little closer to my demographic, as opposed to a 70-year-old male? (BTW, happy birthday to Roger Ebert, who celebrated his birthday on Monday, as I wrote this…fortuitous?)

This younger, Glee-loving, bejeweled-fanny-pack wearing, Katy Perry fanatic will rate the movies on the following criteria:

1) Did the movie do a good job of keeping you from taking an $11 nap? (On a scale of “Zzzzzzz” to “Starbucks Venti Espresso Latte.”)

2) How much happier were you after the movie than before? (On a scale of “Zoloft” to “free ice cream cone on the hottest day of summer.”)

3) Did the movie get the whole theater singing in their seats? (On a scale of “in a room with a baby who just fell asleep for the first time all day” to “Lia watching Glee with her girlfriends.”)

4) Did the movie make you feel nostalgic for your childhood (or perhaps, in my case with “Rock of Ages,” nostalgic for a time I wish I had lived through)? (On a scale of “I can’t remember my childhood” to “this movie made me want to go home and tease my hair and buy a whole new wardrobe full of torn light denim jackets.”)

These criteria would give me a better sense of which movies might not be objectively the best, but the ones I might enjoy the most.

Hey, Richard Roeper, it’s 97 degrees today, meet me for a free ice cream cone and I’ll explain my generation to you.


2 thoughts on “Some criticism of the critics

  1. Well said. Though a lot of fun movies may not fit into 3 and 4! And I sometimes like documentaries that make me angry/motivated, getting rid of number 2.

    A great criterion I once read from a younger movie critic at the Post-Dispatch was, “What was the movie trying to do, and did it do that well?” Seemed to me like a pretty good way to evaluate movies as varied as Rock of Ages, An Inconvenient Truth, and The Hangover.

  2. You may have convinced me to go see this movie inspite of it’s abysmal ratings. I too, am an 80’s music lover – and yes, I did live them! But I’m so happy that they are intergenerational now. Although I can’t promise I won’t wait for Netflix.
    Now I want you to go review Moonrise Kingdom…I’m not sure if it was a brilliant coming of age film, or a celebrity “I get to go to Sundance” kind of flick. Haven’t seen anything like it, not even by Wes Anderson. “Quirky” doesn’t even begin to describe it. It’s haunting me still.

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