“I have an honor roll student at…never mind, he didn’t make it this semester”

honorstudentI spend a lot of time looking at the backs of other people’s cars.

Sitting in traffic for two or more hours per day, I frequently have the pleasure of staring at the rear ends of cars. I notice fancy license novelty license plates, I notice where people bought their cars, and where the car is on the political spectrum.

I also notice how smart the car owner’s children are.

“I have an honor roll student at So and So High School.”

Is your child on the honor roll every semester? I think I was on the honor roll every semester in high school, but in college, I think I only made the Dean’s List one quarter. I know how it is — students do better some semesters than others. It is someone’s job from the school to monitor these bumper stickers?

“Tommy Jones, you didn’t make honor roll this semester…can you ask your mom to drive by the school so we can scrape off the sticker?”

Or maybe the sticker should say “My student was on the honor roll in the fall semester of 2012…here’s hoping for an equally successful spring semester.”

Or “Sorry, my kid didn’t make the honor roll this year…but let me tell you about his amazing track and field prowess, including shot put, discus, and hammer throwing. Also, he’s on the chess team, and he is mostly good about walking the family dog, Cutie, when asked to do so.”

What if they made bumper stickers for other accomplishments?

“My child is usually nice to her grandma.”
“My child only had one cavity at the dentist, and it’s not his fault because we have bad teeth in our family genetics.”
“It appears that my child is almost out of her awkward phase.”
“My child now has a child of her own.”
“Now that my child has an SAT tutor, he is doing progressively better on the practice tests.”

What would your bumper sticker proudly boast?


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