The doctor will see you now, Batman

You’re sitting in the waiting room for your doctor/dentist/acupuncturist, and the nurse calls your name — it’s finally your turn to be seen. If you have a somewhat unique name like mine, chances are you’re the only one standing up.

But as I learned last weekend from Rachel, my brother’s girlfriend, when you have a common name and you’re in a crowded waiting room, sometimes confusion can ensue.

PROBLEM: To avoid any possible violation of HIPAA, many waiting rooms will call people with just a first name, and no last name. So there’s no easy way to specify which Rachel is up.

REJECTED SOLUTION: Receptionists could assign a number to each patient, and then call them up like at a deli. But I imagine most people don’t like the impersonal feeling of being referred to as a number.

LIA’S SOLUTION: After each patient signs in, shows proof of insurance, and validates parking, he or she must choose an alias. Patients can choose from a list, or suggest names of their own. Then, when the doctor is ready for you, the nurse will call you by your alias. Only rule: The name can’t be the same one as someone that morning.

Possible aliases:

  • Batman
  • Monica Lewinsky
  • Anne of Green Gables
  • Waldo
  • Sammy Sosa
  • Moses
  • Tina Fey
  • Captain Picard
  • Kim Jong-il
  • Scarlett O’hara
  • Ferdinand Magellan
  • Glinda, Good Witch of the North
  • Jean Valjean/24601
  • President William Henry Harrison

Is there a Snooki here? You’re up.


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