Fish Guts, Wet Dog, and Baby’s Eyelashes: New shoe colors

Oxblood shoe
Oxblood shoe

Last week, my boyfriend was looking for a pair of brown shoes — and after considering shoes in several different shades of brown, he chose a color: oxblood.

Oxblood? Such a manly, violent color!

I tried to look up other colors of men’s shoes to see if they are as caveman-esque, and I couldn’t find much other than black, brown, oxblood, burgundy, and chestnut. So I invented a few other color names that I think would be similarly appropriate for men’s shoes:

New Shoe Colors for Men:

  • Fish Guts
  • Hatchet
  • Battle Scar
  • Enemy’s Bones
  • Remote Control
  • Wet Dog
  • Wrinkled Laundry
  • Ground Beef
  • Zombie Blood

And what about colors for women? I imagine that women’s colors sound more like these.

New Shoe Colors for Women:

  • Morning Sunrise
  • Baby’s Eyelashes
  • Poodle’s Tongue
  • Sparkling Counter Top
  • July Daffodil
  • Afternoon Espresso
  • Blank Journal at Dawn
  • Grass Mowed by Your Husband
  • Zombie Love

I should call Home Depot and grab some Poodle’s Tongue paint before it sells out.

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