Commercials at 2 a.m.: How to gain weight

After 2 a.m., a whole new caliber of commercials come on TV.

I’m not much of a live TV watcher — I’m more of a watch-it-online-tomorrow or a DVR gal — but when I do watch at normal hours, the commercials make sense to me. Ads for the latest Bratz dolls air during kids movies, ads for romantic comedy movies are shown during romantic comedy TV shows, and and ads for Depends can be seen during “Jeopardy!” (one of my favorites).

But, as I discovered one sleepless Wednesday morning, after 2 a.m., all of that changes.

After 2 a.m., all of the ads fall into one of two categories: psychics and ads about your weight.

I sat through a brutal minute about how all of these women were skeptical about psychics but now they know that the men they are dating are REALLY the right men for them, and then I was expecting to see a typical weight loss ad. Instead, it was an ad for weight gain.

Having trouble gaining weight? Take these magical pills and you’ll gain the weight you need to look your best!

I almost dropped my bag of Oreos. People need help GAINING weight?

So, sadly skinny friends, instead of buying those expensive pills (call now and they can be yours for $19.99 a month for 25 years), here are my thoughts on how you can gain weight.

1. Stop exercising.

2. Eat chocolate.

3. Eat ice cream.

4. Eat Chinese food.

5. Be a couch potato.

6. Eat potatoes.

7. Continue to not exercise.

8. Enter a hot-dog-eating contest.

9. Don’t take diet pills.

10. Have another slice of cake. Seriously, you’re insulting me. What’s wrong with the cake? Have a slice!!

When the commercial about LOSING weight comes on, though — for that, good luck. 🙂


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