When a Big Apple costs as much as Old Orchard

After spending the past weekend in New York, I was reminded of just how expensive everything is in that city. And on behalf of my New York friends, I am mad at the unfairness of it all!

The rule of thumb that I invented for the cost of rent in New York is the following. Take the rent that you pay in any other city and triple it; take the square footage of your apartment and divide it by three; and there you have your New York apartment.

And for the prices of everything else: Take the amount that you should pay on those other things and — oh wait, you’ve already spent all your money on rent; you can’t have other things.

Why aren’t people protesting? Why aren’t the streets of New York filled with rebels? Why don’t they start a “Seize the Day” kind of rally a la Newsies (great Broadway play, I highly recommend it!)?

My first thought is to take everyone in New York and move them to the beautiful city of Chicago. But on second thought, let’s try this. All the businesses need to decide on the same day to lower everyone’s salaries to be comparable to other cities. Then all the merchants need to lower their prices. And then the landlords will lower theirs. It will happen on one day and it will be called “Make New York Somewhat Affordable.” People will run through the streets; newsboys will sell their last “pape”; strangers will hold hands and frolic along Amsterdam Avenue; and all will be well again.

Or … until then … come be my neighbor in Chicago.

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