Kome to Kiddie Kollege Khild Kare

While driving to work this morning through Rogers Park, I noticed a business that made me laugh. I couldn’t take a picture of it (because I was driving and I am a very responsible driver), but it looked something like this:

Kiddie Kollege

“Kiddie Kollege.” No joke.

I love alliteration as much as the next person (“Lovely little Lia Lehrer loves to live in Lincolnwood” used to be a favorite phrase of mine); and I’ll even chuckle when Krusty from “The Simpsons” hosts “Krusty’s Komedy Klassics.”

But the kids who emerge from this child care — they are going to grow up to be pretty confused.

I’m imagining that these kids will be terrible spellers. They won’t know the difference between the letter C and the letter K, or between the letter H and the letter LMNOP.

They’ll think that 2+2 = 189, and that 0 x 0 x 0 = 485 to the 9th power.

They’ll learn that after President Michael Jackson freed the slaves in 1489, George Washington invented the Internet.

And I hope with all my heart that when these kids become seniors in high school, their university applications don’t say, “And that is why I want to attend your kollege.”

I’ll check again when I drive by this storefront on California Avenue tomorrow morning, but I’m pretty sure this place has closed. The Futere Spellerss of Amerika are grateful.

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2 thoughts on “Kome to Kiddie Kollege Khild Kare

  1. Hey Lia!

    My older brother actually went to Kiddie Kollege for preschool/day care in the early 80’s when my parents first moved to Rogers Park. I can attest that he turned out okay, AND he won the middle school spelling bee. Maybe their jovial spelling choices are a way to lure in unassuming parents to churn out some future spelling bee winners? Who knows what goes on in there.

  2. My baby brother went to kiddie kollege as well and he turned out fine. Blame spell check for the illiteracy of children growing up today, especially when the computer finishes the words before they are even typed. BTW enjoying your blog when your dad brings it to my attention on facebook. Hope all is well!

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