A prayer of thanksgiving to the traffic gods

I know I belong to a religion that prides itself on one god, but if I did belong to a religion that had a god of rain and a god of wheat and a god of the sun, I’m sure that this religion would also have a god of traffic.

To this god, I would offer this prayer of thanksgiving.

Dear God of Traffic,

During this, the holiest time of year, I offer to You my deepest gratitude. For our religion, this week — this week of winter break, where the schools are closed, the families are in Florida, and the teachers are getting massages — is our Days of Awe.

This morning, a Wednesday morning, the day of Christmas Eve, it took me 30 minutes to arrive to work. The streets were light, the sun was still coming out, and the cars were snoozing in their garages. Instead of red lights and negativity, I felt green lights and freedom. The joy of driving. The pure ecstasy of making all the lights and driving on the highway as fast as … the legal speed limit allows.

God of Traffic, I know you have a very busy job, especially from 7-9 a.m. and 4-6 p.m., and often it feels that you abandon devout worshipers like me. Often I cry out in pain to you, and it feels that you don’t hear me. Often I wonder if you even exist. But on weeks like this one, you shine your countenance at me graciously, and I know that you are with me.

But on Jan. 5, when this magical praiseworthy season comes to a close, please do not forsake me. Can we not extend these holiest of holy weeks a little longer? I would be eternally grateful.

Your humble servant, Lia in the Gray Honda Accord


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