The concert that fell short of my expectations

The view from my last-row standing position at "The Sing-Off: Live in Concert"
The view from my last-row standing position at “The Sing-Off: Live in Concert”

When I purchased tickets for an a cappella concert this past Sunday night at the House of Blues in Chicago, I didn’t know that my kind of people weren’t welcome.

My kind — meaning people shorter than six feet.

At amusement parks, at least the signs warn you in advance: “Do not ride this roller coaster unless you are 58 inches tall.”

But imagine my disappointment when I arrived at the concert as a full-paying customer (okay, I got discounted tickets on Goldstar) and I could not see the show.

I knew this was a “standing” concert — and as a proud owner of a standing desk, I was excited to burn extra calories while listening to the talented vocal-only sounds of singers from NBC’s “The Sing-Off,” one of my favorite TV shows. I prepared for the standing marathon by wearing semi-comfortable shoes and switching to a messenger bag purse that wouldn’t hurt my shoulders.

But to not be able to see the performers? I wanted my money back. You’re discriminating against somewhat short people like me! While my personality may seem tall, I only occupy five feet and two inches of the world’s vertical space — and my frustration felt tall as a giant.

My fiance, the six-foot-three-inch (“six-foot-five if you count the hair”) Adam, had no problem seeing, of course. We’re both too old for him to lift me up onto his shoulders, but I was ready to ask him to describe the stage in detail. “What are they doing now?” “They’re doing boy-band-style dance moves that go along with the song ‘Uptown Funk.'” But luckily, we did find a spot where I was able to see the stage — in the theater’s last row, just behind a restricted area, and perfectly located near the food counter selling grilled cheese and fries (which we enjoyed).

the-muppets-statler-and-waldorfFor our next concert, I’d consider wearing high heels to give me some extra height, but then of course I’d be complaining about my aching feet during the two-hour show. We could have paid extra to get those box seats on the side — you know, the seats where those old critics on the Muppets sit — but then we’d be complaining of strained necks. In other words, no matter how you look at it, a cappella music is bad for my health.

Sorry, “Sing-Off” musicians. If NBC continues this show — PLEASE, NBC, for the love of a cappella, continue the show! — I look forward to watching it from the comfort my my living room. I’ll even make my own grilled cheese.

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One thought on “The concert that fell short of my expectations

  1. Nice. 🙂 I’m not sure if I’m happy or not that you’re a fan of a cappella in general and not just shows I’m in…but I think happy. Either way, you totally should have sat on Adam’s shoulders!

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