A keen follower of this blog might observe that this not my first post or even my second post about fanny packs. Is it possible that I might be the only person in history to devote more than 1,500 words over several years to these lovable waist purses that the haters hate hate hate?
In June 2012, in “Bring back the pack,” I wrote about my deep desire to make fanny packs “a thing” again. A few months later, in August, I wrote about how my cousin Jeanne read my fanny pack blog and bought me an adorable shrinkable runners’ fanny pack that holds keys and a phone. I even borrowed my mom’s fanny pack on a trip to Disney World.
But this past weekend, I decided it was time for me to own my own full-sized fanny pack — not just for runners, but one that I can really wear all day, all night. I’ll wear it on my walks around Chicago neighborhoods, when traveling, and any time my shoulders have just given up on supporting the mini-Walgreens I carry around with me.
I am 28 years old. I have a full-time job that I love. I’m getting married to my dream guy in October. I have many wonderful friends. I am at a point in my life where I think I can afford to let my inner fanny-pack-dorkiness shine. Hey, world! If you don’t like my fanny pack, well, maybe you’ve got some problems of your own that you’re dealing with on the inside and don’t you dare blame it on my amazing shoulderless carryall. This is MY life.
But somehow I think the revival of the pack still hasn’t quite gained momentum, and over the weekend I visited every single store on State Street in Chicago, disappointed with the blatant lack of packs.
Dejected on the bus ride home, I turned to the anti-State Street: Online shopping. I found the perfect fanny pack for a mere $7 that came in a variety of colors (though I decided to just get black — let’s not get too crazy all at once).
I would like to share with you one of the online reviews of my new fanny pack that arrived this week.
This fanny pack completes me.
So I was hesitant on purchasing this fanny pack. But let me tell you. This fanny pack completes me. As a 34-year-old adult male, I have no idea why I have never used one before. The moment I heard it “click,” I knew I was a fanny packer for life.
Everything I need to carry with me is one zipper away from me. My keys, my gum, money, nail clippers, my bottle of Tabasco sauce. It’s all right there bellow my waist.
I have to tell you that every time I hear that click of completion, I feel like Batman suiting up to fight crime, the only difference is I’m not fighting a crime, I’m living my life (thanks to this fanny pack).
Sometimes people will glance at it and I get the impression that they just don’t understand the life of a fanny packer. I can only think that this is the same way batman feels when people look at him.
If I could wear two of them, I would, I just don’t have that much stuff to carry.
Get one today!
Europe, I’m coming for you in a few weeks. The people of London, Amsterdam, and Belgium are going to look at me and say, “WOW! Who is that amazingly beautiful and stylish girl with gym shoes and a fanny pack? She walks like she owns this place. There’s no way she can be a tourist. She must be a model.” See you soon, European fashionistas.