There is one glorious, liberating day in the life of every piece of clothing — the day that I, owner of the piece of clothing, decide to chop off the straps of slavery and enter into the world of freedom.
There are few more satisfying feelings than the moment that I cut off the shirt’s hanger straps. Even thinking about it now makes me breathe a sigh of relief. Ahhhh.
I know that the straps are there for a reason. When hanging delicate tops by these straps, you prevent hanger-induced bumps and snags.
But, oh, the suffering they cause! All day long, while my mind tries to focus on tackling the tasks of the day, instead I’m focused on these straps. These straps itch. Are they visible? Do I not know that they’re visible but then someone who I don’t even know very well will sneak up behind me and tuck in the straps, saying “Sorry, had to fix that. You’re welcome!”
Sometimes they are the same color and fabric of their mothering top; but other times, they are clear plastic. “This is brilliant,” the manufacturer must have said. “These straps are clear, so no one will even see them if they creep out a bit!” Instead of being invisible, however, the shiny straps sparkle in the sunlight and are as clear as can be. Hello, world! Look at my utilitarian hanger straps!
So, on a typical hanger-straps-are-driving-me-crazy kind of day, I find a sympathetic co-worker about halfway through the day. I hand her a pair of scissors. Please, just put me out of my misery. The straps fall off and I’m filled with relief as I toss them in the garbage. Thanks for ruining my day … but now we’re through!
Angels sing Hallelujah … hallelujah … hallelujah! Every window displays sunshine and a rainbow. The air fills with music. Oh happy day!
Next time if you see that my sweater has a hanger bump, now you’ll understand. I did it for my happiness, for my sanity. I did it to liberate myself from the shackles of hanger-strap-induced anxiety. Join me, friends, and rid the world of these awful creatures!